Devils Journal

Well you probably won't believe me but right now I am writing this on a terminal in a hotel in centeral london.  Probably paying some of the most expensive internet prices in the world.  I've been sent down due to an emergency at work, to which the details I can't go in to.  Though I figured I'd share the fact that I am here and bored out of my skull with the world.  Tomorrow I hit the streets again and face customers and do all the fun stuff like that.  The last few days have been fairly interesting.

I have lots of gospip to share most of which I can't share here because its a shared terminal environment and mostly because I haven't really got the time to write it all down.  Needless to say I'll write a longer post when I have more time.

I think it is safe to say for the first time in my life I have beaten my addiction to coca-cola. This has been a recuring theme for many years with me trying to kick the habbit and never quite managing it but I think it is safe to say this time I have managed it. I am drink mostly squash at the moment with the occational fruit shoot or water as the only things I really drink at the moment.

Yesterday I bought my first proper goth outfit for about 3 years and when I first tried it on it was a bit tight but I decided I'd get it anyway as it would encourage me to loss weight and to my suprise when I tried it on yesterday it fit and lost much of its tightness. So I am slowly lossing weight again. I don't know if that is because of stress or because i cycle or walk to work. Hopefully giving up coke will make the difference which everyone says it should.

I'll post pictures of the new outfit when I get a chance probably won't be for a few weeks. Anyway I had better go, I'll post more later today or tomorrow. Until the 21st my Mobile is probably not going to be working so people will need to either use MSN, E-Mail or my Landline until then. This is because I have been unable to pay my mobile phone bill this month, but more on that later.

It has been a very long time since I posted here and even longer since I posted here with real feeling. The events of the last few months have left me broken, drained and deeply troubled and last night I finally broke. It was painful a pain which I can't even begin to try to describe but what I realise now is that sometimes these things have to happen. Part of me shattered in to a million pieces as I reaslised I could no longer cope with the world around me. Now I have not left Gummie yet and nor do I plan to. The last few months have been very difficult, a lack of communications can kill you and this has become very apparent. Part of the problem has been she and I have stopped talking but in a way I think I have stopped talking to everyone which might be as it should be at least for the time being. She and I came very close to parting ways last night but we talked, talked properly for the first time in months.

Now I have broken I need to start to rebuild and pull myself back together again. I have lost my spirituality, I have lost a large parts of my idenity as an individual, in fact I have lost much over the course of the last year. So now I think I want to rebuild. I think the timing for me to break is all wrong. A few more weeks I'd have liked but I think looking at the Calendar, knowing that I have Samhain away from the Office, the timing is good from a Spiritual stand point. I think for the next few weeks I am going to avoid as much of the world as I possibly can. I'll still need work, I happen to like what I am doing and thats important. I need to make more of an effort with my home life, I need to find how to talk with gummie again. If I can't talk to her then I can't possibly hope to keep things going at home.

I think I am going to have to take small steps so I can take larger steps later. I am still very much shell shocked at breaking yesterday, it was not my intent but at least its happened now, its not something I have to be afraid of any more. I think that has dragged me down as much as anything. Everyone around me has said I couldn't keep going forever which I suppose in a way added an extra burden to know that I would one day come to this.

I have spent most of this evening trying to formulate a plan in my head on how best I need to move everything forward. I have responsibilities now and that to be honest scares the crap out of me as much as everything else. I need to over come my fears now or else things could get far worse than they are at the moment and the me breaking might become more of a process than the one off event which I am hopping it is at the moment.

I am troubled but with a bit of luck and focus I can get through all this and come out of the other side. I have a few things which I am going to try to get done before Samhain on Wednesday. I want to reclaim my space at home and I want to start meditating again. This is something I have not done for a very long time and if I want to start practicing magic again with success I need to get back to grips with the basics again. I've lost my empathy which I am sure is the biggest sign of just how far things have gone I don't know if I will one day get that back or if I am now to old, to jaded to be able to recover that again.

As always time moves against me and I need to finish up. Work is almost over for another night and I need to get packed up so I can go home and sleep most of the day away. I've been sleeping far to much just recently but then that is all I have wanted to do. I think it is my bodys way of managing the stress which I have repeatedly put on it and my minds way of escaping these dark times. I am going to be posting quite a bit over the next few weeks, I need to start trying to make best sense of all my thoughts and plot a course forward. As I find I can't really talk to anyone about it, may be, just may be I can do it on my own by writing some of it down. At least that way I can look back it again in the months to come and see just how far I might have come.

SGR Stage Closed: Suspect Package Descovered

I'm on site at Christchurch park in Ipswich where a suspect package has been discovered shutting down the SGR FM stage at one of the largest free music events in the country.

The stage has been closed and the area corrdened off by police. It is believed the police are presently waiting on the bomb squade to attend the scene and make the package safe.

Other areas of the park are still open and the rest of the park remains open.

I thinkg I might be over doing the overtime a bit at work. I worked 13 hours overtimeyesterday and today I am already on course to do the same thing again. On the plus side I am going to get over £800 on top of my normal salery next month. *grins*

I'm on holiday next week so I have 5 days to recover from the extream hours I have been doing as of late. Next week I a visiting Cambridge if anyone wants to meet up for a coffee or a drink.

I have found my goth sie again! That nagging feeling, that thing I felt I was missing I think I have found. It does feel good and I find mysef hanging around with more goth type people outside of work. There are no goth where I work, or if there they hide really well.

Right I had best get back to my over time. I'm pretty exhausted now but I just have to push through only a few more hours. I just haveto keep thinking about the things I want and the things I 'd like to do with that money.

I never realised just how much it bugs me working at the weekend. I have no idea why its bugging me but it is. I'm bored and I'm sure this is part of the problem. I just keep thinking to the things which I want to do at home and can't because I'm stuck here with very little to do.

Sorry I've not had the time to post the last few weeks, I've been pretty busy with work and moving house. The house move went really well, a few teething problems once we moved in but now things are finally beginning to sort themselves out. I can not express just how nice it is to have space at long last. With one room in the place just dedicated to myself and things which I like. The room right now has nothing but boxes and a computer in it. Over the next few weeks my plans mostly consist of sorting out my room, clearing the boxes, getting a futon and a new desk. The idea is to create the perfect home office for myself.

As for the rest of the house everything is just perfect. We seem to have almost all the furniture we need and we're slowly starting to get all the boxes unpacked. I have a personal goal to have the last of the boxes unpacked within 6 months of moving. So I am already a month down.

I'll post pictures of the new place when I get a chance. We already have gargoyles above the door and we're working on turning the garden in to somewhere nice to relax.

All in all things are going well. I have settled in to my new job at the local energy company really well. Its already been 5 months since I started and I am fast approaching my 6th month. The goal is to just keep things going and work hard to move up the ladder as fast as possible. I am clearly much happier in my new job than I was in my old job.

My mother got her play centre up and running, which is where I am writing this from. I thought I would call in and make use of her coffee shop. Her chef does some of the best pancakes and the best part is that I don't have to cook them. I wish her well with the endevour. I don't visit very often but it does seem to be going quite well for her.

Right I am going to go. Having had pancakes I have much to do at home. I'll post more once my internet connection at home seems to have sorted itself out.

Today has been quite busy at work and I am really pleased that it is finally over with. I need to try and get a little more focus on the work I am doing as my call quality has really gone out of the window.

In other news... my credit card came today which means I now have enough money to put down the deposit on the new house. The thought that I might not have enough money without gummi's settlement cheque has been stressing me out quite a bit.

The next month is going to be by no means easy but we will just about be able to get through it. When gummi's cheque comes it will make life a lot easier. The other fight on my hand is the current management agents are still refusing to accept our notice from the data given which means I have to spend all fucking day at the Citizens Advice bureaux on Monday forcing the issue. I might make moves to get my current contract for my property declared invalid so we can just move out when we want and secure our deposit back.

I can't believe how little I post to this damn thing. I think it is because I don't feel if anyone actually reads it any more which is a generally terrible state of affairs.  To be honest there is now no excuse for it either.  I have Internet access where ever I go now, I have my phone, really that should be enough to encourage me to get back to posting again.  *grump*  I feel I just lack the motivation *sighs*

Right to business. The moving date is all set. I am moving in to the new property on the 12^th March which I am greatly looking forward to. I am looking forward to having more space, riverside views and peace and quiet. I am also looking forward to having enough desk space to do everything that I want with. It will be quite nice for the first time to be able to sit at home working on the PC in comfort and having enough space to actually work in. Maybe this flat hasn't be great for giving me the space to be creative in which is why I have lacked the motivation to post here.

If anyone is on Guild Wars look up my character, Wyld Devil, and the guild I am part of, Knights of Arkesh [KOA]. I am going to be working on a web site for the guild in the next few weeks. I need something to do and the tree most active members of the guild have plans afoot to grow the guild quite a bit. So if any one plays Guild Wars and wants to join drop me a message.

If you've not read any of his stuff recently keep an eye out for Bloodsucking Fiends or Practical Demonkeeping by Christopher Moore or any other book by Christopher Moore. His books are really funny and have left me in tears of laughter. Well worth the read.

I'd add at the moment I am reading Coyote Blue which so far is shapping up to be as good as the previous books I have read of his. So I think I can now safely add Christopher Moore to my favourite authors list.

Its been a week and I am missing my MDA Vario II. I never thought I would miss a device quite as much as I have missed not having my phone. Its like lossing a limb. I suppose it does mean when I get it back I will take very very good care of it. I am supposed to pick it up tomorrow/today providing it turns back up at the shop.

Gods this sounds so geeky.

To make matters worse I found a copy of the new Windows Mobile Beta which I have been testing on the Windows Mobile Emulator I have. I have to say that the Windows Live Services for Windows Mobile are turly excelent. If you have a Windows Mobile device and you use MSN or Winodws Live I strongly suggest you find a copy and install it. it finally put the Windows Mobile version in good standing with the PC version. On a personal level it also means that people can now tell where I am and which device I am using by looking at my Live status.

While on the subject of Windows Mobile devices... If you have one do check out PocketPoster a new(ish) LJ client. Its just reached version 1.0 and people are working on the next version as we speak. Its the program I now use mostly for posting all my journal entries.

Oh and role your eyes... I am probably going to change phones again after Christmas for a MDA Pro. My other half would like a new phone like (if not) my MDA Vario II and I feel I could benefit from the larger screen so we're talking about the possibility of her taking out the contract and me paying for the phone and swaping with her.

OK so now I have the geeky stuff out the way I feel slightly better. In other news I offically finish with my current employer on Saturday (26th November). I have mixed feelings about the whole leaving situation. Its actually the first time I have actually resigned from a job which adds to the whole mixed feelings situation. the boost in pay will be very welcome but I am going to have to suffer two months of hardship before the benefits of the new job really take effect. My current employer has taken the money paid for my Insurance exam off my final salery which was expected and agreed and to make matters worse I lose 1/260th per day off my final salery between 26th and the 28th of the month because I'm finishing early. I suppose this is a down side of rushing in where angles fear to tread.

On the bright side as a house hold we have a credit card which I can transfer the electricity bill and council tax bill on to which will give back some of the money lost to my early finish. I get paid again on the 21st December by my new employer with my new salery and after christmas I will get back the money I have paid in to the company pension scheme from my current employer. So everything is a little in the air though I think I am just about managing to keep on top of things. I have 21 working hours left with my current employer and an exit interview and that is all over and done with.

I am going to start posting pictures to my LJ scrap book. There are a few pictures from the Black Horses Halloween party which I want to put up and a few other pictures as well. After christmas (or you never know before) I am going to buy a small digital camera so I can post more pictures to my journal. The camera on my phone just isn't good enough or my hand isn't steady enough to really use the pictures that it captures.

Right bed time.

If any of you keep track of my myspace you'll have seen the news that in the last two weeks I managed to get a new job paying significantly more than what I am earning now. I start on the 27th November as my current employer has been kind enough to grant me earltv release from my contract so all going well in two weeks time I'll be starting a new job.

I am looking forward to it and the change in working environment will be a most welcome one. The best part is the fixed shift pattern and the £5,000 a year pay increase over what I am getting now.

In other news I received the results of my insurance exam. I actually managed to pass despite not actually having done any revision for the three weeks before I was due to sit the exam and finding out the day beforehand that the exam was the next day.

If anyone who reads my LJ also play GuildWars you can find me on there just drop a message to "Wyld Devil". That's the big news just recently. I need to go my lunch break is almost over and I probably should get back to work.

Thought I would post very quickly to let everyone know I'm still alive. Right now I am sitting have a quick drink in the pub before I head back to the office. My new phone is great and its the first portable device to do everything I expected it to do and more.

I can now be reached via skype when I am at home or have access to a wi-fi access point. So skype me if you have access to it. My username can be found on my profile.

The job hunt continues but I do have a job interview with another call centre in Ipswich at the beginning of November. If I get it I'll probably have slightly less time on my hands but the huge pay increase would be well worth it as well as the general improvement in my personal working conditions.

I got my new phone today and I'm finally prepaired to announce on my LJ what I've gotten. This afternoon I had delivered a T-Mobile MDA Vario II. It's also known as the HTC Tytn and zillion other names. All I can say is its a great little device and welcome to mobile blogging and instant internet access anywhere in the county. *grins*

So all in all I'm a happy devil.

Last night was a fun filled night. It started with Uncle Ians birthday (a half dozen pictures I'll post later) so a good few hours was spent at the pub. After the pub we got home and were over come with the munchies so I headed round to Sainsburys Garage which is our nearest convinence store. When I got there I found it closed for an hour while they do whatever but while I was there there was a hedgehog near the shop there. Did any one care that there was a creature there? Nope, not in the slightest. So I found a discarded box, put the hedgehog in it and carried it to savety away from the cars to the riverbank where I left it forgege in peace. I hope its still OK, at least it will have had a better chance than being at the garage.

In other news I have finally caved in and created and updated my myspace profile. You can view it at http://www.myspace.com/wylddevil. If you're on myspace add me as a friend so I can develop my friends network.

This ban on internet access at work sucks and blows but on the other
hand it did force me to upgrade my account. I have begun in earnest to
search for a new job and I really do hope a new one comes up soon. I am
trying to get at least one job application out a day if not two or
three. My goal is to get out of the hell hole where I work before my
team leader does actually find something to fire me for which is what
she has been working so hard on for the last few months since I got back
off being sick.

I am looking for any job I can, any job I think I can do. The only
stipulation I have in my search criteria is that it must pay what I am
earning now if not more. More would be nice as it would mean for the
first time in ages I'd actually have some money to spend.

Things are bad, I know things are bad because I feel physically ill at
the thought of coming to work each day. I'm sleeping badly and never
seem to get a peaceful nights sleep any more. I dread coming to work
and that's just not right. I welcome advice from others about this
especially from those who have gone through similar situations.

I other news I am crushed because the phone I want has been sold out
nation wide (again!). This is the second time this has happened to me
when it's come to getting me a new phone. So now I just have to wait
until it comes back in to stock but I have to say the wait is killing me
but I am sure the wait will be worth it.

Right I need to go... Post more another day...

This is the sound a persons head makes when it makes contact with concrete. This is what happened to a little chav who tried to start a fight in my local with a bunch of bikers on Saturday. Pitty them when this happens but show no charity!

I'd have posted more recently but the downside of working consecutive 12 hour shifts at work for the over time does limit ones ability to post a comprehensible post. Thankfully now I have finished my over time. In less than a week I have been able to clock in 22 hours of over time. If there is overtime going next week I might put in for that. The extra money will be most helpful both for Christmas and anything I may want between now and then.

Things are quiet at the moment. I have a residence meeting tomorrow, a friend coming down from up north is staying over the weekend, my other half is going to have her head scan and I have a hep b jab on Monday so news right now is lacking because all the interesting stuff is still to come. So posts over the next week have the potential to be interesting. Also next week hopefully, fingers crossed, I get my new mobile phone but as I've not ordered it yet and there is much that can happen in a week I am not counting on it, though I will be a very happy devil if I get it and crushed if I don't.

It was nice to get in contact with my friend tabby after almost a year and a half of not being able to talk to each other. Its nice when you can get in contact with old friends and start talking again. I need to e-mail her but that I think I'll do tomorrow evening when I should have more time on my hands to do such things.

I'm off in a moment, I thought I had more interesting things to write than I do. Its probably because I no longer have the energy to write anything which really makes sense. I am taking nominations for what the fuck to put in my userinfo (Narcissism) section of my livejournal. That I can't quite seem to find anything fitting to put there at the moment, so if anyone has any suggestions, leave a death threat and get back to me.

I have to say I haven't felt this bad in a very long time. I'm stuck at work ame I just want to be in bed. On the bright side the 80's night was great fun! I had a truly excellant time though going out tonight
I think is out of the question.

Post more later...

edit:
10:35pm - Edit after the post to update the mood and stuff.

I have found a new LiveJournal which is under development for PocketPC's which is absolutly ace. Its called pocketposters and so far it looks pretty good. If you have a Winodws Mobile device do check it out. I think its a project which could do with some support.

I'd say its not feature complete yet. Some of the big missing features are an incomplete moods list and the ability to have custom moods. The programs icon isn't the best I've seen and the UI could do with just a bit of spit and polish to make it look great. It doesn't have post previewing, remote friends administration or previous entry support yet but I hope these things will come with time. Especially if more people get involved. But its definatly a step in the right direction.

So well done to the person behind PocketPoster for bringing this great client to Windows Mobile.