Current mood:	worried
Current music:	My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words

Broken Pain Threshold
It seems I have either lost contact with my body or my body’s ability to process and understand has failed. I started thinking about this after my bike accident when I walked out of hospital two weeks ago. Yesterday I underwent a frenuloplasty operation at Ipswich Hospital and still I’ve not actually needed any pain killers. It hasn’t hurt at all which in some ways has completely disappointed my masochistic side. Very little seems to hurt any more and I’m not really sure what to do about it. Is it possible to break your body/mind so much that it stops feeling pain? This might be something I need to play around with a bit but I need to find constructive ways to explore my pain threshold as opposed to destructive ones such as self harm. I won’t lie as a masochist I am seriously worried about it. What on earth am I going to do if I can’t feel pain any more? There’s very little else to remind me that I am in fact human at times without those little painful reminders that I am mortal and things can hurt and they can and do sometimes break.

What I was saying about new chapters the other day I think came with a very unexpected side effect... I think I’ve been forced to grow up at long last, the house is almost tidy and homely, I’m sleeping in a well made bed as apposed to something more resembling a nest than a bed and I’m being more mature. I’ll be honest and say it’s scaring the crap out of me. I guess these things were inevitable with time I just hope I don’t loose my youth with it.

I can’t help thinking this might be a side effect of my biking accident and it’s my minds way of dealing with everything at the moment. Tomorrow/Today I’ll get to go back on my bike after my operation on Monday and with a bit of luck my new bike trousers will turn up.

Special thanks to the thehollowmen for the following quote which I think does rather nicely describe me and I figured I’d share it...

Four wheels on the tarmac moves the body.
Two wheels on the tarmac moves the soul.
One wheel on the tarmac moves the heart.
No wheels on the tarmac moves the ambulance.

Time to run... If I get to sleep now I can get up in a few hours and get out there on my bike and enjoy the day *grins*